And I Don’t Mean From Dragons By Prince Charming. I Mean From Themselves By Themselves.
As often happens in counseling, several new clients had shown up around the same time with similar issues. Each one was in love. They love the guy they describe only in terms of the unpleasant behaviors he acts out—jealousy, sarcasm, putting down, refusal to discuss issues they disagree on, and possible changes in how they relate. Both the man and the woman are sorely stuck, not being able to let go of each other, the woman, who is almost always the one in therapy, not able to put any thought into attending to her own needs.
This was the kind of consciousness women were working so hard to understand and counter during the women’s movement in the 60s and 70s. Have we not gained anything since those times? From my years of experience, the only thing that actually lessens this kind of behavior is when the woman begins the thrilling process of confirming and manifesting her own talents.
Those who don’t make it out of this self-dug hole will repeatedly divert the conversation into venting about her guy’s obnoxious behavior. She refuses to explore her own talents, gifts, and inclinations.
I make it clear to the client that we don’t have to know a solution at the beginning, she doesn’t have to break up with the guy. Just explore her behaviors in regards to him. Follow the trail of her own gifts and interests, and identify people who are supportive of them.
Working on this situation is an energy issue. Energy is wasted complaining or venting to girl friends or therapists. The energy needs to be given to herself. Use it instead to rekindle old dreams, develop new ones, and seek out community to share them with. There’s no end to the variety of ways this can take shape. As soon as she begins looking, the universe meets her half way. Just looking raises her vibration to one of optimism and openness. Taking initiative attracts answers and she soon has more choices in life.
PRACTICE. Even in less extreme situations where we just have a vague feeling that something is missing from life, we can look back at interests that we may have been ignoring–sometimes intentionally as when raising a family and sometimes just losing contact as when having moved to a new location where this activity is not so available. See if the feeling that something is missing can be explored and brought back into existence.
CONTACT. If you recognize the feeling but aren’t sure how to begin exploring, consider a free 20-minute phone or one week email consultation to see how you might get started. There’s no obligation to continue and it might just give you a needed kick start to work with it on your own.
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