Healing Arts Report

A friend told me a story yesterday about changing her attitude. When her children were still young enough to be living at home, she worked two sixteen-hour shifts at a hospital on weekends. This schedule allowed her to be home during the week with her children while her husband was at his job.

She described driving home from those long grueling hours looking forward to nothing but the pleasure of being home again, seeing her family, and enjoying the comforts of her own environment.

But when she walked in the door, she’d spot all the dishes that needed to be washed and the other debris of daily life with two children. She’d greet her husband with, “Wasn’t there anything you could pick up and put away? Do you have to wait for me to come home to do it?”

Their conversation would devolve from there. Then she’d ask herself, “Why was the reality of being home so different from what I’d been imagining during the drive back?” And she figured it out.

She set herself the task that the first thing out of her mouth would be something positive. She told herself, “If I can’t do that, I’ll keep my mouth shut and just smile.” It wasn’t easy. She had to remind herself, “Do not say anything negative. Greet your family with the enthusiasm you were feeling about returning home. Do not complain. Do not accuse them of anything.”

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It wasn’t easy to avoid her habit of being critical, but when she managed it, their improved communication was a reward in itself.

Then she teased me by saying how much her husband changed. She added, “Instead of trying to get him to change, I changed something I had control over—myself! And it worked like a miracle.”

Her story reminded me of another telling story about attitudes that I experienced when I was working as a waitress in a beach side hotel shortly after graduating college. The hostess was a young woman not much older than the waitresses and she had favorites among the wait staff.

There were cliques, and certain waitresses were unfairly assigned the busiest tables so they could make more money. At slow times those girls often gathered together with the hostess and gossiped about the others. They complained about and argued with the cooks, they ignored the older cashier, and generally created a competitive unfriendly atmosphere.

Being a newbie, I would sometimes get caught up in it myself.  But as time went by, the older cashier and I would chat about how we could change the attitudes. The first thing we thought of was discouraging gossip.

Not much later, the young hostess moved away. The cashier was given her job. Now we had the opportunity to implement our gentler ideas. Since there was a high turnover among the waitresses, when the cashier interviewed new ones, she told them that gossip was not tolerated, that they were to help each other out when any of them got overloaded and that treating each other and the cooks with respect was expected.

That’s why I’m starting with me

I’d never seen change happen so quickly in a workplace. The staff became friendly and helpful. There were no more big blowups among the customers, cooks, and waitresses. I felt immensely grateful for the experience because it showed me that it could be done. It’s easier when the person in charge has the right ideals because a leader sets the tone of the workplace.

It’s good to remember, though, that in the first example, the change did not come from above. The real change in attitude came from my friend’s commitment to her inner ideal.

PRACTICE. Can you think of a situation where you can institute a change like these people did?

CONTACT. If you have a situation similar to either of the ones above and would like to make a change, phone me for a free 20-minute consultation, and we’ll discuss solutions suited to you.