I’ve often had people tell me a diagnosis they have given themselves, without confirmation from a psychiatrist or psychologist. What I find useful is whether accurate or not, the characteristics of the diagnosis resonate with the client, and the person can describe events or attitudes that are relevant in great detail. Energetically, through our attention or by using tapping, we can work with the language.
One client diagnosed himself as having multiple personality. He described a typical situation where the difficulty manifested. A neighbor gave him her opinion about his home decorating. Instead of his just taking it in, he became quite angry and spoke to her in an abusive manner. He didn’t really want to act that way and blamed his behavior on one of several problematic personalities of his.
I asked him what it was about his neighbor’s comments that made the personality angry. He felt his home was none of the neighbor’s business. The neighbor was nosy and opinionated and had an ugly home to boot. He agreed with this other personality’s opinion but felt that it behaved in an unacceptable manner.
He also gave me many examples of how his parents treated him in various situations. His mother was neglectful and unsympathetic. One time when his brother clearly did something against their father’s wishes, my client argued with his brother about it. His father punished both of them by beating them.
The client compared his badly-behaved-personality to the way his mother expressed herself to him—critical and yelling—and to his father who was quick to hit him.
I asked him how he would have preferred his father to act. If my client were that good father, how would he have treated his son?
My client described it to me. “I would listen,” he said, “and if I didn’t agree, I would have just told him why. And if I agreed with him, I would compliment him on having listened to me.”
I suggested that he treat this personality whose behavior he
disapproved of in the way he just described. Since he didn’t have that good father, it was now up to him to be his own father and treat himself the way he wished to be treated. I knew he could do it because he just described to me a different possible scenario.
“It will require you to really listen to what that other personality says,” I told him. “Give it recognition and allow that personality to express itself while behaving in a way that doesn’t shame you.”
At other times during our sessions I emphasized how my office was a safe and appropriate place for all the personalities to have their say. Over time, he embraced the idea of everyone having their say and his being the good parent to all of them.
When he practiced this at home and reported doing so, I knew he owned the new behavior. Sometimes he needed to explain the guidelines to them about what was or was not acceptable but always in the context of listening to them sympathetically. It was a process that became easier for him over time.
I don’t know if the client continued to see himself as having multiple personalities after leaving counseling, but he did leave able to handle any internal conflicts that came up.
PRACTICE. We all have times when we feel deeply conflicted about some of our own behaviors. If you notice when you’re in a situation like this, give all the thoughts a voice and address each concern. Find a way to express each thought internally without censorship. See if you can become your own good listener and respond to the conflict as a wise and loving parent.
CONTACT. You may need to go through this process once with a guide before it feels natural. Consider a free 20-minute phone or one week email consultation to see how this method can work for you.
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